Sunday, May 09, 2010

Day 3.

(I'm archiving my first diet blogs. So this is one of them. October 2, 2009)

So, surprisingly I have stuck by my guns and eaten well the last three days. A banana here, a Healthy Choice meal there. On day one I hit just over 1500 calories. Day two was around 1350. Yes, I know: a lot of people say "calories, schmalories!", but honestly counting points (a la Weight Watchers) does help in regards to what I'm eating. If I know a mid-day snack is say, 6 points (300+ calories), I'll stay away from it if I know I want more than an apple for dinner. The hardest thing right now?


HUNGER.



It's always there, grabbing my insides and saying, "FEED ME, DAMN IT!!!". So I think to myself, "I've heard people drink water when they're hungry, I'll do that. I'll eat fruit! Fruit is nature's candy!" Yeah, that's crap. My stomach is a little smarter than that. It definitely has a mind of its own. My brain says, "you don't need that!", but my stomach says, "but oh man you know how that's gonna make you feel the minute you taste it". Oh my God, I'm a crack addict. Except crack=ice cream. Saying I have never been good with willpower or impulse control is an understatement. I'm the baby of my family. What I want, I get! What sucks other than the hunger is my emotion control. I get in an argument with my husband, and a tub of cookie dough makes me smile. I'm still not at that point where I can lace up my shoes and run the anger out of me. One day (or one feat) at a time. I've been trying to focus on what tasks need to be done before I am focusing on the food, but for so long, food has controlled my life. I wake up, mmm...what am I going to eat? After I eat, what's for lunch? It's a vicious cycle.

Friends, co-workers, husband, please bear with me. I know this will only get worse before it gets better. Thank God I don't own a gun!


*hed

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